Beautiful

Beautiful

It’s amazing how different I feel about myself after just a couple of weeks of taking better care of myself.  Eating better, working out, positive self-talk.  The change can happen fast.  I seem to swing inbetween beating myself up for bad choices, feeling guilty, and hating my body….and then being on cloud 9 because I’m treating myself right.

This also applies to my attitude during the workouts too.  Those first couple of days back at it, when it gets hard, I’m so tempted to quit.  To say “I can’t.”  But once my mindset switches, I’m all “This is tough, but I can do it.”  This morning at my workout group (I’m going on Wednesdays to work out with some friends), we were doing planks.  30 seconds, then 45 seconds, then a whole minute.  By that last minute, I’m spent.  I can’t hold it the whole time (yet).  I want to quit.  But instead, I give myself a second of rest and get back up.  I fight for it.

But here’s the crazy part: those two girls- the worthless one that I hate and the fighter – both live inside me.  They are the same person. The difference is my attitude.  I seem to forget my worth because I’m treating myself in a worthless way.  I don’t like that.  And more than even losing weight, I’m hoping to finally hold onto my worth during this process.  To see that I’m WAY more than those bad choices I beat myself up over.  I’m more than failure and negativity- even on my worst days.

Last week at my workout group, we did crunches to this song…and it’s been with me ever since.

The days will come when you don’t have the strength
When all you hear is you’re not worth anything
Wondering if you ever could be loved
And if they truly saw your heart they’d see too much

You’re beautiful
You’re beautiful
You are made so much more than all of this
You’re beautiful
You’re beautiful
You are treasured, you are sacred, you are His

Take a listen, sweet friend.  Take these words to heart.  You’re worth more than whatever you’re struggling with.  You’re beautiful. You’re made for more.

Beautiful-mercyme!


You Can Only Do What You Can Do

You Can Only Do What You Can Do

So this week has been a doozy.

I had TONS of errands to run this week in preparation for a busy weekend (hosting a baby shower, trip out of town, baby shower on Sunday)….so I started Monday off running errands after work.  I HATE the time change.  I miss the sunshine.  But whatever.  I got home later than I wanted to Monday in the dark.

Then Tuesday happened.  Gram went back to the hospital.  New issues.  She was lethargic and unresponsive…so mom called an ambulance.  They were in the ER all day.  I went up there at lunch (and took lunch to my parents) and only taught one Zumba class so I could take dad home (having a parent with Alzheimer’s makes stressful things difficult- so I tried to make mom’s life easier by taking Dad home).

Today, I spent lunch at the hospital feeding Gram.  She was a bit better, but we still don’t know anything.  I went by there this evening and she was back unresponsive again.

And Tyler is sick.  And exhausted.  And he wanted me to come home last night.  But instead, I needed to go to church.  I needed to pick up a check from a friend, some clothing items for a ministry project I’m heading up…and I needed Bible study.  And then someone else wanted something from me.  I sort of politely told them no.  I didn’t have time.  I didn’t want to put forth the energy.  I couldn’t.

And I was talking to my amazing pastor’s wife after church.  She is a wife, mother, caregiver to a handicapped child, and she is a busy woman.  I was telling her I didn’t think I could handle it all…and I was disappointed that I said “no.”  She gave me these wise words:

You can only do what you can do.

 

YES.  So much yes.  She gave me the grace to do what I can, and let the other stuff go.  Take care of my family, myself, and my jobs.  Do what my heart says is important.  And let the other stuff be a firm “no.”  It’s ok.

 

So this may be for you too.  You can only do what you can do.  It’s ok.  I give you the grace you need to let yourself off the hook.  You can only do what you can do.


Far Away on the Horizon

Far Away on the Horizon

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Sometimes I feel like parts of my life are far away. Like I’m just walking towards them, but they never get closer.  There are some dreams, aspirations, and goals that feel like they live on the horizon line.  You can walk towards them, but you never reach them.

I’ve felt pushed, called, and directed lately to continue making changes in my life. Sometimes it feels silly to me to say this – that I feel God calling me to be healthier and transform myself. I know that not everyone understands it, but that’s totally what I’m feeling. I’ve felt it for quite some time. That calling feels so real to me.  The call to be obedient to health.  Not to be vain and “look better” but a call to truly make choices that glorify God because they are best for my body.

I was NOT obedient to that while I was gallbladder sick.  I was trying to survive on what felt ok – which was being lazy most days, and eating poorly.  But now that I’m back to feeling better, I feel this calling stronger than ever on my life.  But man, the goal of a me that’s been transformed by the renewing of my mind and my life (Romans 12:2) feels like a horizon goal.  Some days it seems like all I’m doing is walking toward it, but the horizon stays far away.  But I know God is faithful, and if I’m obedient, He will use this in my life.

This morning while doing my Bible study of Jonah (which has even more solidified the fact that I’ve, at times, run from this goal just like Jonah did), I was reminded that God’s calling on us if often for a bigger purpose.  Who knows what He needs me healthy for. I’m not sure what he’s preparing me for.  But I know I must be obedient.  And just like shaking any sin and turning towards God’s purposeful calling (no matter what that is) isn’t easy, this won’t be either.  It hasn’t been easy these last few years trying to seek that.  But I know I must continue to be obedient to God’s calling, even when it’s hard.  I’m reminding myself at the start of this renewed purpose to stay the course.  This isn’t even about reaching that end goal – it’s about following God’s path for my life.  I may never reach my horizon, but I know as long as I’m walking in the path He’s called me to, that I’m on the right road.

 


Redefining Interruptions

Redefining Interruptions

At church last week, I started the Jonah bible study by Priscilla Shirer.

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So far, it’s been great.

The study looks at Jonah in terms of God’s calling on our lives, and how we respond (there is SO much more to Jonah than the whale!).

My favorite part of the study so far has been learning to redefine the interruptions in life.  When something comes up and interrupts my plans (my perfectly laid out, selfish plans), I tend to see it just like Jonah.  I throw a fit, I run away, I rebel. I don’t want those interruptions. However, when the interruption is from God, we need to reframe those.

See, interruptions are negative. When we are eating dinner and the phone rings from a telemarketer, it’s an interruption. However, if we are eating dinner and get a phone call from a friend I haven’t talked to in forever – it’s welcomed.  If that phone call is to tell me my grandma is headed to the hospital in an ambulance, it’s a necessary interruption.

So because of the importance of the interrupter (God) and the importance of the interruption (God’s call, God’s will) we should stop seeing these things as interruptions and see them as divine interventions. God is changing our plans for his purpose. For his calling.  For something bigger than we can see or imagine.

In fact, Jonah’s interruption divine intervention was a call to go to Ninevah and preach to the people.  He didn’t want to go. In fact, he chartered a boat to head the other way.

However, once we finally got to Ninevah, he was able to spawn a huge revival in the people.  What Jonah was called to do had eternal significance.

I have to remember that when my life is interrupted.  If those callings and change of plans are from God, there is nothing more important.

I feel like my life has been terribly interrupted lately.  My plans have NOT gone the way I imagined.  First, selling Tyler’s shop. Then him being out of work for a while.  Now, adjusting to a new job. And also my health issues as of late.  I need to seek and follow what God is calling us to during these divine interventions.

 

It’s a great way to reframe my life and adjust to the changes.