I’ll Be Whoever You Want Me To Be

I’ll Be Whoever You Want Me To Be

Yesterday I had to take my Grandma to the doctor for a pre-op clearance appointment. She is having hip surgery next week. Mom was at home with dad (recovering from a routine shot in his eye), so I went with Gram.

She was in good spirits, and we were chatting in the waiting area.

The difficulty came in filling out the paperwork.

We had to do a medical history- which was near impossible.  “Grandma, do you remember your surgeries?  I remember that you had a knee replacement, two shoulder surgeries, and gallbladder surgery. Do you still have you appendix?”  “Yup.”  Well, later, a call to mom revealed that she had her appendix taken out.

She doesn’t remember anything.

I asked her questions about her parents medical history.  “How did your mom die?”  “I don’t remember.”  Later, a call to mom revealed it was by a stomach aneurysm.

So we got the paperwork filled out and get called back to see the doctor.

She introduces me to the doctor. “This is my niece, Brittney.”  “I’m actually her granddaughter.  But I’ll be whoever you want me to be, Gram.”

It broke my heart.

Her mind doesn’t remember what I know her heart knows.

I am so fearful of Alzheimer’s.  Every time I forget a name or lose something, I am fearful.  Early onset Alzheimer’s is always on my mind.

I don’t want it.  I know I’m genetically predisposed.  I know could get a genetic test, but would I want that? Would I want to know? I don’t know.

This much I know- I’m gonna love my Grandma whether she thinks I’m her niece or her uncle. And I’m gonna hate Alzheimer’s for slowly taking her (and my dad) away.


Comments

  1. I can completely relate. My grandmother had Alzheimers and now my mom’s cousin (who is only 70). It s a sad heartbreaking disease that effects the whole family. I’ll be praying for all of you!

  2. Ugh, I really hate Alzheimer’s, too. I am so sorry. 🙁 It’s just the most heartbreaking thing. My grandmother has it, and now every time my mom can’t remember something, I feel panicked that she’s going to get it too…ugh ugh ugh. 🙁

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