There are so many ridiculous things going on in my life. I sort of feel like a ringleader to the crazy. “Over here in this ring, you’ll see the husband hunting for a rogue skunk at 1 a.m….and in this ring, watch as Grandma tries to talk her way out of the nursing home.”
I can’t make this stuff up.
Let’s start with Gram. This week, she went into a rehab/nursing home facility here. She got kicked out of her previous rehab home for noncompliance…and was home for about 10 days before she had another hospital stay. It was tough, but we decided she needed to try rehab again, and if that doesn’t work, then she will stay in the nursing home. Mom just can’t care for her. Well, Gram has moments where everything is peachy keen (mostly after she wins the round of Bingo in the joint), and then yesterday afternoon when I stopped by for a few minutes on my way home…she was trying to convince me to let her leave. I felt like I was listening to a criminal plotting a crime. A sort of “here’s the plan, let’s case the joint” thing.
And just being in the nursing home has comical moments. Sure, I feel for the people there. I know they would all rather be home with their families, that many are suffering and depressed. But they sure can be funny. I went to have lunch with Gram yesterday. I ended up being there too early, but there was a Bible study going on in the dining hall, so we went down there together. We just rolled up to a random table near the speaker to listen. The other lady at the table proceeded to tell us no less than 5 times in the 30 minutes we sat there that THIS WAS NOT OUR TABLE. WE HAD TO MOVE. DID WE KNOW WHERE OUR TABLE WAS? I reassured her we would move to the assigned tables at meal time…but for now, we were just staying put.
Well, Gram didn’t like this lady yapping at her, so she told me to just move her to her regular table. “Where is that?” I asked. Across the way. Well, there were about 15 wheelchairs and walkers in the way, so I exited the dining room, and brought her in the door on the other side of the room. Meanwhile, her wheelchair alarm keeps going off (loudly. and for no reason), and all while the preacher is still leading Bible study. We finally get a nurse to turn that blasted thing off, when Gram points to her table. “Over there,” she says. “With those two ladies.”
Y’all. It was LITERALLY the table catty-corner to where we started.
X-where we were
X- her table
WHY DID I BACK HER UP, SET OFF THE WHEELCHAIR ALARM, GO IN A DIFFERENT DOOR, and THEN, HAVE TO WEAVE THROUGH 15 WHEELCHAIRS TO MOVE ONE TABLE OVER? Sigh. So I did it, and she was happy.
Then, late last night was an epic skunk hunt. Tyler got home at midnight, and apparently saw a skunk in our yard when he drove up. Well, sorry animal lovers, but skunks don’t get to live at our house. We have dogs that run around, and I can’t handle another skunk spray. It stems from this – We have a grub worm problem, which leads to skunks and moles. We have called in a mole exterminator…but we do our own skunk removal. 🙂 I suppose once we tackle the skunks and moles we will figure out how to get rid of grub worms. But alas…
So at midnight, Tyler bursts into the bedroom proclaiming he is going on a skunk hunt. He quickly changes from his uniform, grabs his gun, a flashlight and out he goes. Well it took a couple of trips outside before he snuck up on the booger….so I’m talking at like 12:45 he finally got it. I’m going between drifting to sleep and praying he doesn’t get skunk sprayed. Once it has been taken care of, he has to get it and move it to an acceptable burial location (our side pasture). So he has to gather plastic bags, a shovel, etc. This lasted until 1 a.m.
Then he comes in and wakes me up again to smell him to see if he needs to wash his clothes. YES. YOU FREAKING KILLED A SKUNK. WASH YOUR CLOTHES.
So the clothes go in the washer. Another wake up. “Hey babe, is it vinegar I add to remove the skunk smell?” (We’ve dealt with this before. And yes, it IS vinegar.)….then later, after he’s eaten something….another wake up.
“Do I smell? Should I shower?” Again, YES YOU FREAKING KILLED A SKUNK. SHOWER.
So after the shower, he’s fully awake. (I am not). So he wants to tell me all about his 10 hour police shift that happened just prior to the skunk hunt of 2014. So I sit up and we talk for a while (I’m actually thankful for the face to face talking….I haven’t seen him since Sunday because of his shift times….but man, am I sleepy!). Then finally at 2 a.m., I get to sleep again.
And that friends, was the circus of my life yesterday.