I’ve done a lot of thinking over the last few years about the person I want to be. The wife I want to be. The daughter I want to be. The friend I want to be. The coworker I want to be.
I’m nowhere near that ideal yet, but I try to let those thoughts shape my actions.
Who I want to be includes someone who is thoughtful, positive, happy, faithful, loyal, patient, kind. I could go on. I have thought through how that ideal person would respond in situations, and I try to do those things. I pray a lot for God to keep molding me.
There’s a song called “River God” where the lyrics talk about how stones are smooth once the water passes through. It takes external situations to “smooth” us into who God wants us to be.
This weekend, I had the honor of going and serving a friend in need. I did it because it’s where I wanted to be. It’s where I needed to be. It’s what that ideal person would have done. She’s caring, she’s a servant, she’s a good friend.
But I don’t want the credit for that. In sorting out the weekend plans I left behind, I got told “Oh you’re such a good friend for doing that.” I didn’t go because I wanted any credit or accolades. I went because there was no where else I wanted to be.
I give the credit to God for his timing – if it was another weekend I wouldn’t have been able to so easily up and go. If He hadn’t been working on my heart, I wouldn’t have so easily gone to serve. If He hadn’t blessed me with others who served ME so well, I wouldn’t have had the example to go do the same.
All that to say, I’m still working on who I want to be. But I don’t want people to see me, I want them to see God through me. I am only able to dust off the selfish, the negative, the self-seeking with his help.