Thoughts on Real Friendship

Thoughts on Real Friendship

So this past weekend, I spent a lot of time with my friend Rachael.  We’ve been friends since freshman year of college – over 9 years. We talked a lot about friends we’ve found and friends we’ve lost (metaphorically, no one has died) over the years.  It really made me think.

I think the older and wiser I’ve become, the less I’m willing to keep putting forth effort for people that I don’t feel like value my friendship.  I don’t need someone to “work” at friendship.  Yes, I think that relationships take conscious effort…but if it’s not there, it’s not there.  I’ve tried making friends with people, and when I find I’m not “clicking” with them, that I’m not feeling like I’m a part of their life – I move on.

I know I’m not always the greatest at communication with friends.  I’m good at investing where I am…but I’m not great at the “staying in touch” thing.  But that doesn’t mean a friendship can’t still thrive.

For example, with Rachael, we haven’t “spoken” in 2 years before she left for Cambodia.  We’ve Facebook chatted and kept up with each other online as time allowed.  But we have a real friendship.  We “get” each other.  We have been there for each other.  We love each other unconditionally.  And we were able to spend 2 days together and act like no time had passed between us.

Or I think of my friends Jessica and Kenley (sometimes Kenley reads the blog…so hey girl hey!).  We were good friends in college (well, Jessica and I were high school besties and college roomies, too!)….but we don’t talk often.  But the last time I saw each of them, the friendship was there.  Time and effort didn’t matter.

Or my best friend Alden.  We text regularly, but we don’t get to talk or see each other as often as we like.  But when we talk….it’s for hours to catch up on every detail of life.  We don’t keep score of who called when, who texted what, who did what.  There is no concern over who is giving more/doing more….we just enjoy each other when we can.


I wish I had more friendships like that.  While I LOVE making new friends, and doing things to establish a friendship (those things are necessary!), being around friends that I just have that comfortable unconditional love with made me wish more friendships were like that.

Do you have friendships that feel effortless?


  1. I have had the most trouble connecting with new friends since John has retired from the military three years ago. I have friends in other states to keep in touch with. But no new friends here to connect with. Note : we have been here three years this month. May have to try harder.??? Thanks and take care.

    • It’s hard to make new friends as an adult. I literally had to find women that I thought I might become friends with and almost “date” them! I asked a woman in my Zumba class to go on a day trip with me….and others I’ve asked to lunch. It has taken being SO intentional (which is tough!) but after a few years, I’m finally making friends in my new hometown.

  2. I love those friends you can just pick up where you left off with. Priceless.

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