It’s been 12 days since Gram died.
In some ways, those 12 days feel like an eternity. So much has happened since then. Many nights of not sleeping well. Many cards and visits from friends. Many times I wanted to go visit Gram in the nursing home, to realize I couldn’t. Many tears.
In other ways, it feels like yesterday. The emotions are still raw, so it feels like I’m still dealing with an open wound.
Grief is a funny thing. To be totally honest, I don’t think I’ve had time to totally process it. I went from the funeral, back to work, back into rehearsals, and the show opened two days later. No time to really deal with it yet. I know it will hit me in waves. I’m just waiting on the shore.
Grief has caused this “I can sleep anywhere, anytime, and fall asleep in an instant” girl to struggle with rest. I am having crazy dreams, having trouble turning my mind off. But you’ve heard about that already.
Grief has caused me to want to eat my feelings (which is tough!). I was already doing this stress eating response thing when she was in the hospital. It’s so hard for me not to turn to foods that bring comfort and happiness. Especially when it feels like nothing else can bring comfort in that moment.
Grief brings on stress shopping. 🙂 Totally true for mom and I. I’ve put post-it notes around my credit cards so I have to think twice before using them. But man, does buying pretty new things make me feel better.
Grief causes me to shut off from people a bit. I’m not super interested in friends right now. I don’t want to have to open up.
Grief causes a fog. I’ve forgotten more things in the last week than I have all year. Thank goodness for those around who can help me.
Grief makes me feel sick. I have felt achy, had stomach aches, headaches, and overall crummy feeling most days.
Grief makes me cry out to God. I don’t know what else to do but ask to be put back together.