When Friends Aren’t There

When Friends Aren’t There

Probably one of the hardest things about being a grown up is having to be intentional about friendships. It’s a topic I talk about a lot here.

One of the heartbreaks of that is when you want and need friends to show up, and they don’t.

On the other hand, when people do show up, it means the world.

This summer when I was in the Wizard of Oz, I really expected a couple close friends to come see the show.  It ran for three weeks, so there was ample time for them to come…but they didn’t come.  I DID have TONS of awesome people show their support- and it meant so much. But I can’t lie when I say there was a twinge of sadness when the show ended and those certain people hadn’t been there.

I try to be a friend who shows up. I know life can get in the way, and I understand that. But when I can, I try to be there, to reach out.

With the issues we’ve been having with dad, I’ve had lots of people reach out.  Prayers, messages on Facebook, texts offering to bring food. But it’s also been sad to see the people who are missing. And I want to reach out to them and talk about it…but it seems backwards. Like they should be checking in on me, instead of me being all “Hey, I need you.”

The book I’m reading, Fight Back with Joy talks about this. She talks about how some people don’t know what to say and do. And how we have to forgive them (with God’s help). I’m working on the letting go of the disappointments.

These experiences make me better at reaching out in the future because I want to be the friend who shows up.  I want to be that friend. And I want to give grace to my friends when they miss the mark.



  1. I completely understand. When my Mom was sick and then passed away, one friend, whom I’ve known since Kindergarten was very much absent. She does live out of state which I understand so I didn’t really expect her to come up as she has kids and a career but she never even sent a sympathy card. I checked with my Dad as some cards/gift/flowers were sent directly to the funeral home. Her Mom sent an arrangement but it was solely from her Mom. No mention of my friend. This is a friend who I considered my best friend. When all this happened, it caused me to really examine our friendship. I am sorry that you are in a tough season and people have let you down. Hugs to you and your family!

    • Val, I’m sorry you’re also familiar with this feeling. I agree, it causes me to think about the friendship and also extend grace and forgiveness. Mostly because I know I’ve been guilty of letting others down…so I want to forgive those who have let me down. Thanks for your comment!

  2. This is something I have to work on also – both being that friend that shows up, and letting go of disappointment when I’m let down by a friend. Neither come naturally for me. Adulting is hard sometimes!

    • Well you’re doing great at it! Your offer to bring food was SO kind. And if Nancy hadn’t beat you to it, I would have been all over it. You’re so right, adulting IS hard sometimes.

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