When I Struggle…

When I Struggle…

I don’t know why, but here lately, I’ve felt some anxiety.  I can’t pinpoint it, but there are times when breathing hurts.  It’s heavy.  It’s burdonsome.  There are things that my mind wanders to that cause this anxiety feeling, but it’s not always the same.

Sometimes it’s Tyler’s job.  Sometimes it’s wondering what his schedule will be.  What life will look like in two short weeks when he is finished training.  Sometimes it’s Alzheimer’s.  Sometimes it’s paying bills.  Sometimes it’s the pile of dishes in the sink. Any of those can induce a panicked feeling.

For me, that feeling often comes with the urge to eat..  I have struggled with emotional eating and binge eating in the past, and old habits and struggles die hard.  For a few weeks, I’ve had episodes where I’ve defaulted to old habits. I am not proud of this.  It’s a visible struggle.  People can see the extra weight, the bloat, the chips I turned to. The box of Girl Scout cookies that got me through the evening.

It hurts.  It’s ugly.  It’s defeating.  It’s shameful.

But the only way to get over it to talk about it.  To put it out there.  To let others in.

But that’s hard too.  It’s admitting I’m not as perfect as I think I appear.

To be vulnerable.  To let others see those parts of me I’m not proud of.

It’s crying to your husband who is trying to understand.  Who doesn’t know what to do or say other than hug you.  It’s telling your friends that you’re struggling.  And sometimes getting a “I’ve been there too.”

I DO know that once again, I will claw my way out of this.  Life will settle down.  I will make conscious choices to be in God’s word, and letting His truth set these captive thoughts free.  I will make choices to eat right and work out, even when it’s hard.  I will come out of this.  And if it’s too hard, I may see a doctor about it (I don’t feel like I’m there yet).

But I do know that it’s ok to talk about when you’re struggling.  And while it’s not all the time for me, it’s been some of the time.  But when I struggle, I do whatever I can do overcome it.  The struggle is part of my story – and the beautiful part is that I get to share my story with others – even these parts.

The Struggle


Comments

  1. “Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it.” ~ Helen Keller

  2. Britt, I am having the same troubles lately. Oddly, your same thoughts were in my head driving to work today. Sometimes it’s just a struggle, and it is what it is. I am harder on myself than anyone else. Sometimes, I just don’t want to make good eating choices or I don’t feel like working out. The guilt is overwhelming. Hugs to you, friend! You aren’t alone.

  3. I’m right there with you – with the eating and lack of motivation to work out, and with the anxiety that seems to come out of nowhere. It seems like this happens to me a lot this time of year. Not sure why. It will pass, we’ll get through it. But in the midst of it – it sucks, and I understand!

    • Maybe it’s seasonal affective disorder. I’m hoping some sunshine and time outside will help. I’ve missed walking outside.

      • Could be. I’ve missed it too – and plan to walk outside tomorrow night, and soak up some sun this weekend. Maybe next year I’ll try one of those light boxes and see if that helps.

        • Yeah, I looked into the light boxes. I was walking up until it got super cold in January…which IS when the funk started for me. Could definitely be a correlation.

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