When You’re Crying in Your Closet..

I was selected to participate in a big video shoot with Zumba at convention later in the week.  I was thrilled.  Until they sent an email asking us to choose our own clothing.

Cue meltdown.

Under the stress of trying to acheive perfection, I was caught crying in my closet.  Not just tearing up….I did the ugly cry.

I’m being honest here.

I don’t think this is a universal female thing.  But I do think that if it has happened to you once, it has happened to you a dozen times. Let me give you a glimpse into the process

You are stressed, trying to find something to wear.  You have an “ideal” in your head…and unfortunately, you don’t look like that ideal. Nothing makes you look like that ideal.

So the clothes start flying off the hangers.  Ending up in piles on your closet floor, or if you are like me, closet floor and bathroom floor and bedroom floor.  In an effort to get through this as fast as possible, you are creating quite the mess of your closet.

Nothing is right.  Your favorite jeans suddenly won’t button.  The pair that DO fit are a size 12, and by golly….if they aren’t 10s you aren’t wearing them.

Your favorite shirt looks ok, but with those jeans, you have a muffin top. No go.   As you grab your squishy soft spots, tears start welling up.

This shirt makes your boobs look funny.  Cue the sniffles.

That shirt doesn’t go well with your skin tone. Loud sighing and huffing and puffing commence.

NOTHING WORKS.

So you resort to crying in your closet.

It isn’t pretty.  But it’s humbling.

You have to loosen your grip on perfection.  Give yourself room to look human, and not like those size 2 fashion bloggers on Pinterest.

You have to literally open your hands and let go.  Give it to God.  Let Him reassure you that you are fearfully and wonderfully made.  And that He loves you no matter what clothing fits you today.  That He will allow you to shine for His kingdom regardless of whether you wear the jean jacket or the sweater over that dress to hide your saggy arms.  And even if all your worst fears come true (they won’t let me in the video because they hate my clothes), He will still love you.  And that has to be enough.

And when you have snotted through an entire box of Kleenex (anyone else become a snot factory when they cry?), you get up off the closet floor and go for a walk, take a bath, take a nap…do anything to make yourself feel better.

And then you calmly return later to finally pick out those clothes (you can’t go naked after all).  And then the worst part begins: hanging up all the rejects.  But as you place clothes back on hangers, clothes that made you cry, clothes that must go back in the closet, remember that clothing and the “stuff” and “rolls” and “pudge” you are trying to hide can not change who you are, or whose you are.


Comments

  1. know the feeling all too well. you aren’t alone. i’m sure you’ll look beautiful for the zumba video and what an honor they chose you!

    • Oh sweet friend….I hate that you know this feeling too. I’m MUCH more at peace now about the whole thing. Thanks for the virtual pat on the back. 🙂 I’m excited for the fun opportunity.

    • I hate those days when it seems like nothing is working! SO excited for you to be in the video, that’s awesome… I’m sure you’ll rock whatever you decide to wear as you are dancin’ and shakin’ at Zumba!

  2. Girl, I’ve been there!

  3. I have been there more than once. And it isn’t always clothes that make me into a horrible crying mess. It could be the smallest thing, but it was the one thing to push me over the edge. But your advice is absolutely spot on! I know you will look great in the Zumba video!

  4. Girl, we have been there. Ugly cry. Pity party. The feling of never being “enough”. It’s a curse from Eden and we will never get over it. You are beautiful. Just as you are. Your determination is an example to all of us. Your desire to be the best version of yourself is a dream. The exposure of your heart is a gift.

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